What does treating yourself really mean?

So, let me give you some context here folks. I am natural a liker of things. At my core I would like to be housewife who has an allowance, so I could shop and go out for brunch and lunch AND come home to a cooked meal – I’m a millennial so obviously my version of a housewife has a chef!

But in my actual reality I am a full-time project manager, entrepreneur, wife, daughter, sister and friend. Now that means I work for a living juggle adulting and anything that I would like or need to buy requires a budget spreadsheet, a bit of planning and well trying to generally be a responsible adult.

As a result, the version of me that likes things and brunch has turned frugal, cautious and slightly uncomfortable when it comes to spending money in all things that aren’t “necessary” (e.g. rent, bills and sustenance). Now I’ve never been someone whose great with money so the cautiousness does come from experience. But even though I am getting better, I feel like I am constantly on the fence of “its okay treat yourself to those shoes, you can afford it” TO “well you can afford it but if you didn’t buy the shoes you can use that money for something you need”

My question is what are the parameters for a treat vs a want not need? Does it even matter if you’ve got your finances planned out?

Now in context my husband is the complete opposite. He is good with money, master of our monthly spreadsheet, I actually think at times he sees numbers like this….

What that actually means for us is that he has the ability to spend on himself or me – for a “treat” without feeling guilty. Something I am really learning! So, I have been taking small steps or shall we say creating parameters to delight myself in the things I would like to buy and really trying not to feel bad about it. And this might seem silly, but my first test was treating myself to a donut. I know what you’re thinking – like really, just a donut??

So, I spent most of 2019 saving up for our wedding which meant I didn’t buy food at work, I brought in lunches, didn’t eat out much unless it was a must and didn’t go clothes shopping either. BUT there’s this place called ‘Doughnut Time’ I walk past EVERYDAY on my way to work and they have these divine looking doughnuts. I’ve had my eye on the red velvet donut – I love red velvet and I’d never known it to be on a donut, so I had been intrigued to try it. Now in the grand scheme of things I could just bought one long ago and indulged myself but as I walk past this place every day, I saw the price list every day! And with a single donut costing £4.50 vs £0.80p from Greggs, it just simply DID NOT make sense.

But me post wedding, who is trying to let go of the guilt of spending on things I just would like and is learning to be a little more selfish in a calculated, spreadsheet conscious and self-care kind of way, saw some logic this time round. I have parameters around my spending and with no wedding to save for if I choose to spend £4.50 on a donut today, well it’s not the end of the world. This is just a baby step for me but the mentality behind this purchase was so indicative of how my life has changed and how I am evolving with it. Maybe next it will be a £100 handbag, who knows! The choice is mine to make. So back to my initial question, how do you treat yourself and what does it really mean to treat yourself? It could be something small like a donut or as big as a car but we all have a hundred and one things we are juggling and it’s so easy to put yourself at the bottom of the priority list. My advice is don’t forget about you, don’t go insane either! I mean we all have bills to pay and a credit score to look after but a calculated treat here and there could be just what you need.

And for your pleasure here is a picture of my part eaten divine red velvet donut – you get it now right?! And it was Christmas themed!

Yummy 🙂

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